Chief Justice Roberts Doesn’t Care About Your Paleolithic Opinions (And Why That’s a Good Thing)

On June 28, 2012, Chief Justice John Roberts sided with the 4 liberal justices on the bench to uphold the Affordable Care Act and its mandate, in tax form, as constitutional; thus prompting the biggest shit-fit you have ever seen from the extreme right.  Now, first things first, Chief Justice Roberts is a stalwart conservative; he is not a firebrand, pious bag of dicks like Scalia, but he is a strong, and usually dogmatic follower of the conservative philosophy.  He presided over and cast the winning vote in Citizens United, which effectively allowed corporations to form super PACs and buy elections.  Thanks CJR!  He overturned DC’s gun ban and voted to allow evidence obtained in unlawful arrests to be used in court.  He has gone on to rule in favor of the Chamber of Commerce a record breaking 63% of the time since presiding, was appointed by Bush the sequel, and has been consistently praised by conservatives pundits, politicians and other talking heads from the right side of Fox News.  So, it was beyond the pale of hilarity when the tea-baggers and their pandering handlers flipped out and turned on him like a pack of wild hyenas after announcing the vote and penning his opinion Thursday morning.

Almost immediately everyone from Joe-the-fucknut-Plumber, to Michelle “I can’t go two days without saying something bat-shit crazy” Bachman, all piled on to offer Justice Roberts their opinion and why they all think he is the world’s biggest douche-burger.  Media Research Center Brent Bozell told the conservative online publication, The Daily Caller: “His reputation is forever stained in the eyes of conservatives, and there will be no rehabilitating of it. He will be seen as a traitor to his philosophy.”  Oh really Bozo? (Do you mind if I call you Bozo for short?)  His reputation is forever stained in the eyes of conservatives without the chance for rehabilitation?  Oh no!  Fuck-beans and shit-pudding!  I bet he is going to lose untold hours of sleep worrying about his chances for re-election!  Oh wait, that’s right, Supreme Court Justice is a lifetime appointment that only ends when you die, or retire (which is what you do right before you die).  Which brings me to my main point; Chief Justice Roberts doesn’t give a fuck what any of you think, about anything, in the history of ever.  Left wing, right wing, independents, libertarians, the number of shits that he gives about your opinions is equal to the difference of 2 -2 (I am hoping you is good with the maths).

This huge smile is directly juxtapose to how much of a shit I give about what you think of me.

You see, the Supreme Court (or SCOTUS for those of us who get turned on by acronyms; sexy, sexy acronyms), is part of what is known as the third branch of government, or, the Judicial Branch, or Judiciary.  Those of you who didn’t drop out of high school will remember this if you were not A.) drooling into your desks like the primates you are, B.) giving each other handskies to pass the time, or C.) getting high in the parking lot before 0 hour, because “Who needs to know all that stupid government stuff man?”  The third branch of the government is supposed to be removed from politics; its entire purpose is to be impartial, apolitical and uphold the rule of law and the Constitution.  In case you didn’t remember, Justice is supposed to be blind.  That bitch ain’t wearing a blind-fold because she is playing pin the tail on the donkey or she thinks it’s kinky fun.  People can have opinions, but justice, and the court that she presides over, must forgo that human instinct in order to ensure that our system never becomes a tool of political interests, nor subject to the whims of the majority.  If this country’s judiciary system was determined by mob rule, we would have hung Jerry Sandusky by his testicles and beat him with sticks and maces until he died a slow painful death.  I would have liked that, and you would have too, but, we are a civilized nation (or we like to fancy ourselves as such) and in this country the accused are innocent until proven guilty.  In much the same respect, the Supreme Court and its justices are not beholden to the mob rule of one party or another; no matter how fucking loud and annoyingly childish they are.  The reason that Justices are appointed and not elected is to avoid the disgusting, slimy, degrading and ultimately corrupting taint of politics.  They don’t need to be pandering to the masses for votes.  Yes, they have opinions, but, in theory, their first duty is to the Constitution, jurisprudence (please look it up: and legal precedent (I sincerely hope that does not require explanation).  They all give (or should) -2 two fucks about what people think of them.  They are not there to be popular; they cannot be bought (in theory), and their first loyalty is to the law, not political parties.

That being said, there has been a lot of politicization of the SCOTUS recently, and Justice Roberts has been growing increasingly concerned as of late.  He is concerned about the reputation of the institution and its perceived political slant.  He is concerned about its legacy, and he seems to even be concerned with the rule of law.  Imagine that.  When upholding the “mandate” in the Affordable Care Act, Roberts cited the clause in article 1 of the constitution that falls within Congress’ power to “lay and collect taxes.” At the end of the day, it was the job of the court to determine if there was any part of the law that was unconstitutional.  There was only one, threat of defunding of states if not compliant with the Medicade expansion clause of the bill.  So that part was parsed and scaled back a bit.  When all was said and done, the Justices had done their jobs, and all while not giving two tugs of a dead dog’s dick what you thought about it, and you should be damn grateful that’s the way it works.

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